Oops

I poured my heart out.

As I read the words written on the screen, the ones that had seemingly flown out of me, I felt a kinship with anyone who had experienced the weight of social media. The expectations for us to always be available, to always be on. The assumption that whatever you conveyed with pictures or videos in your little corner of the internet was your life, your whole life, and that others had unlimited access to it. 

And so I pressed delete. It was exhilarating. I felt my anxiety lessen. I checked my phone less. I connected with friends on a deeper level. I wrote about it on this blog. I felt a bit disconnected, wondering what I was missing out on. I took less selfies. I looked up more.

I kept writing about it, mainly because I love to write, but also because I wanted to document this journey and share it with others.

Then, I checked the website traffic.

It turns out if you don’t have an online presence, it’s kind of hard for people to know when you’ve written a blog post.

I sulked. The very thing I had triumphantly shunned was the very thing I needed to tell people I had shunned. 

And so I sat with it, wondering how I could navigate being on Instagram once again. Could I use it solely for the blog? I had permanently deleted my old account, but could I create one that was centered on responsible social media use?

As I wondered what that would look like, I went back and forth. I knew how easily I could slip into the same routine - scrolling endlessly through the explore page until my fitness watch sent me a notification telling me I hadn’t moved in an hour. I had freed myself of that, and very much didn’t want to be sucked back in. I wanted my writing to reach people. 

Last night, sitting in a friend’s backyard on the first day of summer, I created a new account. After discussing what my new handle would be, which included some hilariously questionable suggestions, I decided to make it solely about this blog. 

So, here I am again. This time, I hope to use Instagram solely as a business tool (with the occasional silly meme sent to a friend). Now I can get back to writing, and hopefully, sharing it with the world.